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Beyond Resilience: The Hidden Cost of Being Disabled

  • 5 min read

But no one prepares us for this cost. No one tells us that even when we do overcome a barrier, we’re stuck on a never-ending merry-go-round of internalised ableism. We don’t simply “get past it”. It waits there, ready to rear its head again.

Think about it. You’re born Disabled or you acquire a condition. You spend your life Disabled by society, boxed in by inaccessible barriers, segregation, discrimination, and still, you’re expected to overcome. To be resilient. But how do you “overcome” when some days you can’t even face leaving bed, out of sheer exhaustion, out of wanting to retreat from a world that refuses to include you?

The constant praise for our “resilience” doesn’t feel like praise at all. It’s a reminder that society expects us to carry the weight of ableism silently, to perform bravery just for existing. Every time someone calls us “strong” for doing the bare minimum, it reinforces the idea that we are less unless we overcome, unless we push through, unless we prove our worth. That pressure seeps in. It becomes an echo inside our own heads. We start to judge ourselves for the days we can’t cope, the days we need to rest, the days we simply exist without achievement.

Resilience becomes a trap, a measurement of our value, and it feeds internalised ableism more than it frees us.

We cannot keep having conversations about Disability and inclusion without addressing the internalised ableism in the room.

We cannot continue to talk about Disability Inclusion if we’re not also talking about the good, the bad, and the internalised. We need the raw, unfiltered realities. We need to provide space to share, to lean in, to unlearn. And we need to be creating resources that support Disabled people, not just adults, but young people too.

We need to equip Disabled individuals with the tools and knowledge that far too many of us have gone without.

At Disabled By Society, we know internalised ableism because we’ve lived it. As a Disabled-led organisation, many of us have carried it with us for most of our lives. That’s why we’re so determined to break the silence, to create tools, resources, and conversations that don’t just tick a box, but lead to change.

We asked Disabled people to share their experiences of Internalised Ablesim, learn what they had to share in our latest Policy Paper!

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